Here is our interview with David Matthews.
Your sense of humor comes across on film. Many people believe that individuals on the autism spectrum do not have a sense of humor. Was it your intention to dismiss some of the myths and stereotypes surrounding autism?
I’ve used humor since childhood as a way to distinguish myself in everyday life, the way other people distinguish themselves through sports or academics. When filming began, I hadn’t intended to improve the autism spectrum’s image through my trademark deadpan irony and wacky surrealism. However, soon I occasionally, purposely went for the laughs, only when the situation warranted them; some situations called for seriousness, not for comedy. I realized that proving I could experience actual human moods and emotions could favorably influence the public’s perception of people on the spectrum, though I don’t consider myself the autism poster child. Rather, I consider myself David.
You mention the DSM-5 and the fact that Asperger’s is no longer a separate diagnosis. You say that you now have difficulty accessing services. Could you tell me a little about this? This is a huge concern for many people.
Many organizations no longer can specifically help me improve my employment skills or my interpersonal relationships, and can no longer provide support networks. Asperger’s and other types of high-functioning autism differ from more severe types of autism; each autistic person has different issues that need addressing. More classification would help address those issues more effectively.
You were diagnosed at forty-one years of age. This is more common than people think, with individuals who are now over 30. Was it a relief? Did you find that you were able to access more help and support?
Receiving my diagnosis did fill me with relief. I realized I wasn’t to blame for my so-called eccentricities, that they had a neurological basis. As for “more help and support”, soon after receiving the diagnosis in 2006, I attended my first Asperger’s support group. I still belong to that support group.
I love the fact that you posted fliers advertising yourself to women. Did you ever receive any negative comments about this? Did you ever meet someone by doing so?
I received a few letters that called me creepy and the anti-Christ and lacking in male reproductive equipment. I also received one sarcastically-supportive letter from a female blowup doll, complete with a photo of her wearing a black lace bra. I would have sarcastically responded if she’d given a forwarding address. Also, a Pittsburgh cultural website ran an interview with me in 2002 that depicted me at my nerdiest and most socially-inept, though in those pre-diagnosis days, I did lack certain conversational skills; the interviewer twice reminded me to keep my hand away from my mouth when talking. At least the site later printed an essay of mine.
I dated a few women who responded to the fliers but didn’t form any romantic relationships. I might have dated more respondents, but my shyness precluded that. By the mid-2000s, I received no replies at all, though by then, I fliered more as a performance-art project spoofing male-female dating perceptions. (I would go on to display some of my fliers in a Pittsburgh art show in 2011.)
It is very interesting that you tell of how difficult it is to read a woman’s body language. Can you tell me a little about this challenge?
Yes, Aspies do have difficulty picking up social cues. For the longest time, I would analyse conversational content while ignoring its packaging—i.e., tone of voice, facial expression, stance, and gestures. Textual knowledge helped me write effective school reports but didn’t enhance my romantic life. After the first date, so many women would tell me they didn’t want to see me again either verbally or by not contacting me again. Hadn’t I dazzled those women with my erudition and my witty personality? Years later, I realized I had dazzled them too much, offering my undiluted self instead of something a little more modulated. If I’d noticed their cues, maybe I could have altered my behavior and gained a second date.
In the film, we meet your old college friend Wayne as well as your friends on the spectrum today. What advice would you give to fellow individuals on the spectrum regarding forming friendships?
Form friendships with like-minded people whenever you can. Today, of course, autistic youngsters can easily use the internet to find similar people who have similar interests. But during my younger, pre-cyber days, I had no choice but to meet people face-to-face during those rare times I felt bold enough to approach someone. I didn’t form any real friendships until meeting Wayne and his friends during my sophomore year of college; meeting fellow artists made me feel less alone and more confident in myself.
I am very interested in your writing. Where can we read your short story collection, Meltdown in the Cereal Aisle?
My short story collection, Meltdown in the Cereal Aisle, will be available soon. For now, you can read my blog, http://davidvmatthews.wordpress.com.
What are your future writing plans? What are you working on now?
I hope to have a revised and expanded version of Meltdown in the Cereal Aisle published in 2015. My current project, almost completed, is a novel called Give a Little to Get a Lot. You can read excerpts and outtakes from that novel appear on my WordPress blog. (http://davidvmatthews.wordpress.com.)
Is there any message that you would like to give to our readers?
Always feel confident in yourselves. Always pursue your interests, no matter how allegedly non mainstream. Always treat others with respect.
What have you learned about love and relationships from all your years looking for love?
Don’t have unrealistic standards; try to accept people’s differences.
We would like to thank both Julie and David for allowing us to watch their film and for taking the time out of their busy schedule to answer our questions.
We wish them the best of luck with Aspie Seeks Love.
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About Julie Sokolow
Julie started out as a lo-fi singer-songwriter. Her album Something About Violins was released by Austin, Texas label Western Vinyl and acclaimed by Pitchfork, Wire, and the Washington Post. Since then, she’s made short films that have appeared in the New York Times, TIME, and Huffington Post. She is the director of the Healthy Artists series, which profiles over forty uninsured artists who struggle to afford health care. Aspie Seeks Love is her first feature-length movie and she composed a large portion of the soundtrack.