It seems that my theory all those years ago regarding John’s reluctance to give direct eye contact was not too far off the mark. Some people experience Hypo or Hyper- vision and need coping tools to minimise the effects. It seems perfectly reasonable to me that avoidance is the best one.
John and many others autistic people use their peripheral vision to minimise the stress it causes to look directly into another person’s eyes. Eye contact has been described as painful, or that it feels like the other persons eyes are burning into theirs. Another person described how when they looked into someone’s eyes it caused their whole face to fragment, similar to a mirror exploding with shards of glass raining down. This terrified them and understandably they avoided eye contact at all times.
I will never know for sure what John experiences when giving direct eye contact but I do know that if it feels uncomfortable, painful or frightening then I am glad he made his choice at an early age to protect himself. I just wish that the speech terrorist had been more open to my suggestions; it might have helped some of the children cope better.
Having said all that, John’s desire to make us understand what he wants or needs is often much greater than the negative effects of direct eye contact. When this occurs he will come to me, wrap his arms around my neck, put his forehead against mine and look deeply into my eyes. John then hums softly, fluttering his eyelashes to tickle me as he knows it makes me laugh. We call them butterfly kisses, and you really can’t get any more direct eye contact than this. He never ceases to amaze me.
Julie Ellsmoor – Julie writes the blog Close Encounters of the Autistic Kind about life with her adult son, John, who has autism. Her blog states; These are my scribblings of the madness and mayhem that my bright, funny and mischievous son and I encounter, on his weekends home. You can also follow Julie on Facebook and Twitter @JulieEllsmoor