The eye contact thing always puzzled me the most. John looked at us sideways out of the corners of his eyes and from underneath his lashes. A bit like Princes Diana did except when she did it the world went bonkers, claiming she was shy and alluring in equal measure.
It never worried me and it didn’t stop him learning. He would look straight at me or his dad if he desperately needed or wanted something but mostly he looked at us sideways and we didn’t make an issue out of it.
However the lack of eye contact seemed a big problem to everyone involved in John’s education, especially the speech therapist or speech terrorist as we liked to call her. She wanted full eye contact at all times and was always very quick to point out to me that John absolutely ‘refused’ to give her any. I wondered why she was so insistent that John look directly at her. He did everything she asked of him and had learnt Makaton sign language very quickly.
I tried to talk to her about my own thoughts, that maybe John ‘couldn’t’ rather than ‘wouldn’t’ give her full eye contact. We all come across people from time to time who make us feel uncomfortable and what is our reaction, we avoid looking at them. I was convinced that in some way direct eye contact made John uncomfortable therefore he was minimising the risk of a meltdown with a self help technique worthy of praise, not negative criticism. I was eager to explore my theory with her but she was a very busy woman, I know this to be true because she kept telling me with monotonous regularity.
The teachers were not so rigid in their approach but clearly felt that it was a good sign if they did manage to eke out a few fleeting moments of eye contact with John during the day.
Throughout the week in class the children would be given merit awards as a way of encouraging and rewarding progress. I remember John receiving one for ‘Giving eye contact for 30 seconds‘. He was delighted to be singled out for his award, more because he is a show off and loved standing at the front of class while everyone clapped. His teacher explained that his 30 seconds of eye contact came when the juice and biscuits were being handed out. I fell about laughing. It was obvious to me that John must have been intent on getting a biscuit, probably two if he could get away with it and would have done anything if he thought it would increase his tally of biscuits.
Over the years I have read many books on the subject of autism, some of them very helpful and others not so much. I am fascinated by the condition and have found that the most informative ones are those written either by or in collaboration with an autistic person. To read first hand how the condition affects them has given me a much greater understanding of John.