Why did you decide to publish your diary? Were you worried about people’s responses to how honest and frank your writing is?
A couple of years before I was diagnosed I started to write my feelings down on scraps of paper. I felt that when I had wrote everything down that was upsetting me, in some way now belonged to that piece of paper and they were no longer my problems. This expanded into me writing a diary most days, when I looked back over the seven years of what I had wrote I really felt that although some of my days were a bit dramatic and confusing, that some of it could really speak to other mums and dads in similar situations. As parents we really do pressure ourselves into been the perfect parent. Is he warm enough? Is he as clever as other kids? Do all kids only want to wear green clothes and keep grapes in their pockets? I’m not a great believer in god but I always think that we wouldn’t be given a child that we couldn’t cope with, that we couldn’t make laugh, couldn’t fight for or that we couldn’t love more than life itself. I published this book because I need parents to know that its ok to not be perfect. There is no such thing. We deal with what we are given the best way we can. I did worry about the response as my book is very honest and I worried that people would think that my mind is still as unstable as it was when I wrote this book five years ago. I’m the healthiest I have ever been now. I have had an amazing response from over a hundred mothers and bipolar sufferers telling me that their life is so similar to mine and at last someone is saying it out loud. I don’t have to be mum of the year I just need to be me and try my best! I did however get a slightly negative response from my family. They weren’t too happy about the things I had wrote about my mother as it upset her. But all names have been changed and we have all spoken and this has now been cleared up. You can’t please everyone I suppose.
The book covers a year in your life and I feel like I joined you on your journey. What was the overall message or piece of advice that you hoped readers would gain by sharing your private life with them?
I suppose different people will take different things from this book. I would like to put across that mothers are allowed to be ill. Ask for help and don’t feel like you’re a failure because you’re asking for help. If you have a broken leg people can sympathise and treat your injury but if your mind is in need of repair it is just as important to fix. If you are not well then the family will not function as well as it could because you are important. I kind of relate it to the cabin crew on an aeroplane when they say, always secure your oxygen mask before your child’s. Your child can’t help themselves if you can’t help yourself. I would also like to say to parents that just because a health professional says your concerns about your children are not correct, doesn’t mean their right. Parents know their children better than anyone else. I have a lot of respect for health professionals who work hard to assist our kids but you are allowed to say that you don’t agree and get a second or third opinion. If I hadn’t of done that then I would never of got my boys or myself the help we needed.
Could you tell our readers how you met Ben and how he supports you?
I’m smiling as I write this reply. I met Ben on my seventeenth birthday in a bar close to my home. I feel like we have grown up together. We want the same things in life, he makes me laugh, he knows when I am going high and he keeps me warm and cosy at night. If I am ever down and not coping very well he will take over and do everything that needs to be done. I always say he was a gift to me, but not to his face as he would get a big head. I’m very lucky.
Are there any future books planned?
The thing is I don’t really see myself as an author. My book is no great piece of English literature. I have dyslexia and really struggle to concentrate due to my medication. But, I do have a lot more material and I’d like to think my book speaks to people in a way that other books don’t. It’s frank and honest and says it how it really is. So the answer is yes but it will probably be next year now as I want to get it just right for the readers.
I would like to thank Emma for taking the time to answer my questions and for writing such an honest and thought provoking memoir.
You can follow Emma over on twitter https://twitter.com/PlowsEmma
Autistic Blessings and Bipolar me is available to buy from Amazon in both paperback and kindle format http://www.amazon.co.uk/Autistic-blessings-Bipolar-me-brutally-ebook/dp/B00UP14762/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1433852010&sr=8-1&keywords=Autistic+blessings+and+Bipolar+me