The extraordinary burden of IEPs on moms

Here are some other questions posed by moms in the group:

• Can anyone in PA enlighten me on the consequences of receiving a PA Standards-Based (“regular”) Diploma vs an IEP Goal-Based one?
• Fair and equitable grading question. My 2E son is receiving A/100% based on ‘effort’ (he has done the work, not necessarily correct) not learning outcomes (correctness). To me this is not an equitable grading system. Is my thinking correct?
• I had my part 2 of my daughters annual iep meeting this week. My daughter is in 5th grade, with a reading fluency goal for end of 3rd grade level with a benchmark of 47 WCPM and an goal of 67 WCPM……
• We met shortly after and they basically asked point blank– what do you want us to do with him?? It was a horrible meeting with the school saying basically until he fails he will stay on a 504 and not an IEP.( he ADHD/ DCD/Dyspraxia and severe anxiety )
• What would you do if…..you learned your child was called lazy by her teacher in front of the entire class? Sadly, it get’s worse as per her IEP she is to use dictation software for her ELA rough drafts and this teacher is making her hand write them?

Imagine constantly being on the learning curve. Yes, parenting is hard and none of us knows what we are doing all day, every day. But imagine having to learn new things about your child all the time (in addition to all the regular parenting stuff). Medications, diagnoses, therapies, evaluation scores, different curriculums and pedagogies. And I haven’t even gotten to the lack of a summer break for special needs moms. Between ESY and everything else, the conversation about special ed and the preparation for the next year never slows down. I keep thinking that the group activity on Facebook will slow down, it never does. We’re constantly in drive or heaven forbid…park or reverse, never on neutral or cruise control. We’re constantly going and planning, never taking a break for a tune-up.

It’s no wonder we are exhausted and show symptoms of PTSD. Keep in mind that IEPs are just one part of special needs parenting. We have doctors, specialists, repeated surgeries, heck…some parents are just trying to keep their kids alive. And still we have to decide which of our child’s needs we are going to focus on this year….what a tragic state of affairs.

I’m starting to ramble now, and some might be asking, “What is your point?” My point is the same as always, that we need to make proper education funding more of a priority for all kids. Moms, know that you are not alone.  Take that much needed break. Find your support net, contact your legislators to help facilitate change and keep on going.

You’re awesome and I’m proud to be a part of this. I’ve never met a greater group of women.

Edited to add: I want it to be known (since I received emails) that I am not implying or stating that schools are trying to get away with something. I love teachers, I love schools, and I know that most IEP teams are doing the best they can with what they have. I can’t even imagine what a blow it is to your morale for special ed professionals–who get their degrees and go into student debt so that they can help special needs kids….only to find a job and not be given the resources to do so, when you know that as a society, we have the resources. The whole system is broken at the federal and state levels, which is why I pointed out that I wish more parents would contact their legislators to create change. Not enough of us are doing so. And if not us, who will? As Senator Gillibrand pointed out,we have to do this if we want change.

I am glad that so many of you find validation and camaraderie in this post. If you are having trouble with your child’s IEP, know that every state has a Protection and Advocacy group for people with disabilities. It can be a starting point if you don’t know where else to turn.

Reprinted with permission by the author from the blog A Day in Our Shoes

About Lisa Lightner

Lisa is a work-at-home mom to two great boys and one has special needs living is the suburbs of Philadelphia. She pursued my certification as a Special Education Advocate, and was amazed at how much information she didn’t know.