This weekend was Mother’s Day. My gift from my hubby and my boys was to go horseback riding on Saturday. I can’t describe the feeling I have riding horses with my family. It is an amazing connection between all of us. There are no TV’s or video games, no chores and no work. It is just us, supporting each other and loving each other. Hunter feels at peace and is happy and more connected there than any place else I know. It is truly amazing how the disconnect from the rest of the world connects us with one another.
On Sunday morning, I woke up to Hunter’s smiling face in the doorway saying, “Happy Mother’s Day.” It made me smile. Soon, I was surprised with Starbucks coffee, muffins, hugs from my boys and sweet cards and treasured homemade gifts. You know, those sweet gifts that are like gold to the melting hearts of moms everywhere. Grant had drawn a picture with his handprints inside and had made a picture frame for me. In the picture frame was a picture of him holding a sign that said, “She cheers for me at baseball games.” I began to tear up. He hugged me. I’m sure he thought I was weepy because of the picture frame. Well, that is partially true…
Sometimes I feel so badly for my Granster. He is eight and Hunter is pretty tough on him. Some days are indescribably hard. I know some days he feels beaten down. Some days as much as Hunter loves him, he unknowingly makes him feel unworthy and unloved. As much as I try to explain to Grant why things are the way they are, some days I know that words are not enough to console him. Sometimes I feel like nothing I can do will ever be enough.
I can’t make many of his days easier. I can only try to protect him and teach him how to deal with the many hard things that are thrown his way. I feel many days like I can’t hug him, cuddle him, or tell him how much I love him quite enough to make up for the hurt he has inside. Sometimes I feel like nothing I can do will ever be enough.
On this day, Mother’s Day, my little boy taught me a very, very important lesson. Sometimes in life, it is all about showing up. It is all about cheering the loudest at the game. It is about sitting at the table as they struggle through the homework. It is about being there to wipe their tears when they cry and put band aids on their hurt knees.
This picture frame meant more to me than he will ever know. Those tears flowed from a place deep inside that he will probably never understand. That little plastic picture frame with a picture of him holding a sign, taught me that I am doing enough.
On the days that I am struggling and tired and I just can’t take any more, I just have to show up with all I have left. On those days, when my love is overflowing for both of my boys so much that it hurts, but my energy is gone, just being their Mom and loving them is enough.
What an important lesson for all of the Moms (and Dads) out there to remember. We don’t have to be perfect. We might expect it from ourselves, but our kids don’t expect it from us. They already love us. We already love them. That is the most important thing! All that is left is showing up!!
Reprinted with permission. Original blog post can be found here.
About Rachelle Wade
Rachelle Wade a wife and mom raising two boys (one who has Asperger’s Syndrome). Sassy Aspie Mom is a Facebook Page and Blog that hopes to create an outreach to other moms going through trying times. Raising children on the spectrum can be exhausting and challenging! We have to take back our lives, so we can be warriors for our kids!